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Lilly Bean Profile
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Registered: 12-2006
Posts: 4
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Re: cowtalk



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TWO COWS:::


DEMOCRAT
          
You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

You feel guilty for being successful.

Barbara Streisand sings for you.

 

REPUBLICAN


You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none. So?

 

SOCIALIST

 

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST


You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALIST, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRATIC, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

    
           FRENCH CORPORATION

 

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

 

JAPANESE CORPORATION

 

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

 

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
 

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
          

IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.
 

POLISH CORPORATION


You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

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Leave a Message and I won't get back to you any time soon....
12/7/2006, 4:36 am Link to post Email Lilly Bean   PM Lilly Bean Blog
 
born2read Profile
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Registered: 05-2007
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posticon Re: cowtalk


I LOVE COWS!!!!!!!! emoticon
5/7/2007, 10:23 pm Link to post Email born2read   PM born2read
 
broa Profile
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Registered: 12-2003
Location: Martebo
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Re: cowtalk



me1bee wrote:

i just love milkshake - all thanks to cows!! Does anyone know just how long a cow lives? ie, natural life?



edited to remove content not suitable in a official Runboard support forum

Last edited by Pastor Rick, 1/7/2009, 5:23 am


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1/7/2009, 4:23 am Link to post Email broa   PM broa
 
carolynlovespa Profile
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Registered: 01-2009
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Re: cowtalk


Holy Cow,
Us Floridians aren't all dumb don't ya'll know? Most come from differnent places btw. We love cows here, -and did you wonder what kind of milk they produce after eating oranges that are dumped in the pastures that the cows eat from knee-deep? Wouldn't it be orange juice? lol emoticon

Last edited by carolynlovespa, 1/21/2009, 11:24 pm


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Keep kindness as your best friend,
Take in plenty of fresh air,
Eat something primitive,
Elevate your feet.
1/21/2009, 11:07 pm Link to post Email carolynlovespa   PM carolynlovespa
 
Pastor Rick Profile
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Registered: 07-2005
Location: Runboard Staff Aux
Posts: 14628
Karma: 610 (+680/-70)
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Re: cowtalk


And now a 2010 RunSearch Weekly BotW winner!

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RSFRDAdvertise Boards On TRDREITB
12/6/2010, 1:59 pm Link to post Email Pastor Rick   PM Pastor Rick Blog
 


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